Hyphothetical question time. What if you were a magically sentient wooden puppet? And what if whenever you told a lie, your magically sentient wooden nose would grow suddenly? And what if you suddenly were confronted by a gang of bloodsucking vampires, and you needed to snap off a shank of magically sentient wooden nose to kill the undead? Hypothetically speaking, what lie would you tell?

If you can come up with a funny, creative lie, you could win some serious swag from the upcoming Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer graphic novel. The book, created by Dustin Higgins and Van Jensen, will be released by SLG Publishing on Sept. 30. All you have to do is post your best lie at the Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer Facebook group or send one by e-mail to pinocchiovampireslayer@gmail.com. All entries must be received by Sept. 23.

The best lie, as chosen by Dustin and Van, will receive a signed copy of the book and a page of Dustin's original artwork. Two runners up will both receive signed copies of the book.

Mark Twain may have said "A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes," but it can also help rid the world of vampires. So get creative! Get hypothetical! Get lying!

Disclaimer: The creators of Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer are not liable if a submitted lie appears in the current or any future Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer book. Dozens of lies appear in the book, and any submitted lie matching one in the book is purely coincidental.

Sorry it's taken so long to announce the winners of The War at Ellsmere School Memories contest!! But here they finally are, with Faith Erin Hicks's notes.

Just as a reminder, the contest was to draw a particularly memorable incident from school and three winners would be chosen -- one for story and art, one for the story or concept and one for the art.

Faith writes:

My number one pick is entry #9 (Christina Lin), the story about mold growing in the girl's desk, because it's both cute and educational. I had a similar experience when I was in grade school, and forgot my lunch in my desk for a week. Plus I dig the coloured pencil colouring.

My other two picks are entry #4 (Andrew Foster), because I laughed when I read it, and that's always a winner in my book and entry #2 (Heather Nunnelly), because if that actually happened and she lived to tell the tale, she deserves a free book.

Congratuations to Christina, Andrew and Heather! Christina will get a signed copy of The War at Ellsmere and an original sketch by Faith Erin Hicks, and Andrew and Heather will receive signed copies of The War at Ellsmere.

OK, winners, email me your addresses at slgchief@slgpubs.com! Thanks to everyone who participated. It was tons of fun reading your entries.

Hey, intrepid memory-havers, I have yet to see any entries for The War at Ellsmere School Memories Contest, and I want to remind you to enter! After all, all you have to do is send in a depiction of a memory from your school days, and you could win original art and a signed copy of The War at Ellsmere by Faith Erin Hicks! There are three prizes, one that does not take drawing ability into account, so if you have a poignant, funny, embarrassing, triumphant, or just strange school memory, we'd love to see it!

And I am participating, just as a show of good faith. (Also, I can use it for my column at Blog@Newsarama.)

The contest closes on December 8, five days after The War at Ellsmere is set to be in stores, so get to ruminating!

Faith Erin Hicks and I have been conspiring, and we've concocted a contest to coincide with the release of her new graphic novel The War at Ellsmere. Don't worry, the contest does not involve horrible alliteration. That was an accident. Sort of.

Here's what the contest does involve: School memories. The War at Ellsmere is about Juniper, a public school kid plopped in a world of boarding school privilege after she gets a scholarship to the prestigious Ellsmere Academy. She's soon immersed in a world of high-stakes academic work and intense competitiveness. Not many of us get to go to fancy schools like Ellsmere, but we do have memories -- wonderful, painful, embarrassing -- of school. And we want your memories!

Illustrate a moment from school that you find particularly memorable, and email it to me at slgchief@slgpubs.com. Please include your name. Faith will choose three winners of The War at Ellsmere School Memories Contest --

1. An all-around winner, based on artwork and originality
2. An originality award, based on the concept of the illustration
3. An artwork award, based on those fancy drawing skills.

The all-around winner will get an original sketch by Faith and a signed, personalized copy of The War at Ellsmere. The other two winners will get a signed, personalized copy of The War at Ellsmere.

The contest will be open to entries until December 8, 2008, and we will post all entries on a page on the SLG website and a gallery on SLG's Facebook page with credit given to you as the artist.

Here comes the small print:
You remain the sole owner of your artwork and by entering the contest you are giving SLG permission to use it only on the SLG website and Facebook gallery for the duration of the contest. You may request that your entry be removed after the contest has closed. We promise we won't do anything shady like use your artwork without your permission in printed promotions or anywhere else besides the contest page, Facebook page, and on our blog when we announce the winners . People whose comics have been published by SLG, you are free to participate, but you can't be winners. Oh, don't be sad. I meant you can't be winners of the contest. You're all winners in our eyes.

I've been really busy lately and have fallen behind on posting reviews. I will try to pick up the pace. Here we go, starting with a review of Chumble Spuzz, plus a contest from its creator, Ethan Nicolle.

The Evil Genius Comics Blog tells us, "I can’t tell you everything that’s funny, because that would just ruin the experience. But I don’t have to convince you…just do the math…"

Math? Doesn't the Evil Genius know that I'm a girl and, thus, completely befuddled by math? I'll just believe the Evil Genius when he says, "Nicolle’s humor is wonderfully dark" so I don't have to do any adding or subtracting or quadratic equations.

If you've already been convinced of the quality of Chumble Spuzz's hilarious dark humor, you might want to enter the "Chumble Spuzz Zombie Whore Contest."  Here's the lowdown from Ethan's blog, where you should go to get the full instructions:

"How does it work?  You earn points by whoring Chumble Spuzz in various ways, and on the contest deadline (march 18th) the TOP 5 winners will be put into my next book as zombies.  The 1st place winner will ALSO win an original drawing on paper of them as a zombie being killed by Reverend Mofo!"

One of our very own creators, Roy Boney Jr. (Dead Eyes Open), won first place in the Trail of Tears Art Show which is held by the Cherokee Heritage Center in Oklahoma. What amazing work did he do to win out of a poll of almost 200 entries by almost ad many contestants? The answer is Zombie Andrew Jackson! Ok, he's not really a zombie and the title of the piece is Our Father and is more likely a statement about the corruption and disregard for the sanctity of human life that was perpetrated by our very own government during the time of Jackson's presidency and thereabouts.

And since a lot of our local readers won't get a chance to visit Oklahoma to check out the museum at the Cherokee Heritage Center, Roy Boney Jr. is also exhibiting artwork in the CounterPULSE Gallery in San Francisco from July 1 to 31 as part of the "Frybread and Roses" show. So check it out San Francisco locals. July is also the month we'll be shipping freshly printed issues of Dead Eyes Open #5. So buy the comic or check out the show or check out the show and buy the comic too.

(Apologies for the zombie quip but I can't help but have zombies on the brain since I've just read issue number five of Dead Eyes Open. I know you can't wait to get your hands on it, it's a good one. )

All right, here comes the contest. As you know, if you've been paying any attention at all, SLG is publishing a new comic book called Rex Libris by James Turner, the author of the graphic novel Nil: A Land Beyond Belief. And, boy, have folks been talking.

Find out what James and his work are all about in this interview with James at Comic Avalanche. Look at the list of names he gives when asked about writers and artists who have influenced him. James has great taste. Voltaire! No one can love Francois-Marie Arouet too much, I say.

Paul O'Brien, who has been bored with mainstream superhero comics of late, finds a superhero to admire in our intrepid librarian, and he reviews Rex Libris #1 at X-Axis.

And Ryan Day learns that he can survive while Street Angel is on hiatus -- all thanks to Rex Libris. In his review of Rex Libris #1 at Comixfan, he praises Rex's oddness and James's art style: "It's simple and angular, yet wonderfully expressive and imaginative; Rex's facial expressions are perfect, and his evil foes look fairly ridiculous without giving up all of their dignity. It's almost the sort of thing you might have got if Jack Kirby had been a tad more Victorian."

Yes, yes, and now the contest:

We want your library-related action shots! Pull out your library card and strike a pose! Or find a picturesque location in the reference stacks and look like you're seriously into protecting books! Or pretend to be an evil-doer whom Rex must stop! Be creative, and then post your pictures in the comments to this post with an explanation of their theme or background story, if any. I will choose the winner(s), and the prize will be a free issue of Rex Libris #1 and possibly some NIL buttons if James sends down a bunch of 'em like he says he will.

Now some RULES:

1. Employees of SLG Publishing and those published by SLG Publishing are encouraged to particpate in the Rex Libris Action Librarian Contest™, but they are not eligible to win.

2. Do NOT disturb other library patrons when you are taking your pictures. You MUST follow all the rules of the library you are in and the directions of any librarians or library employees. No squealing and giggling in the stacks!

I will announce the winner on September 2! So get to posting your pictures!